it has been almost a month since my last letter. therefore, i have decided to write a new one for you. we may be constantly updating each other about our lives, but i think it is not enough for the two of us. there are things which i cannot directly say to you; so, i compose my epistle to enlighten you of my unspoken thoughts.

the trimester has just started. however, i have observed that you are somewhat lost. i do not know if you are trapped by the events that have happened in the previous term or scared by the things that are about to realize in the current term. either of the two, it must not be a hindrance to all your responsibilities and obligations. there are still more that life has to offer you.

some people may say bad things about you. do not mind them! you just keep on moving forward. cliché as it is, you cannot please everybody. remember this, for every person who hates you, there are ten individuals who love you very much. you count the blessings you have rather than your problems.

your observant pal,

XonXon

p.s. happiness is always a choice... so choose to be happy.

Location: Star City, Sotto St., CCP Complex, Roxas Blvd., Pasay City

Date: December 22, 2007, Saturday, 1900 - 2330 (Part 3)

It was like eternity to have him beside me. The memories of the guys I had adored before were refreshed. He became the epitome of those who had been dear to me in my past. One after the other, I reminisced all the good experiences I shared with each guy. I almost cried when I realized how stupid I had been. But no matter how foolish the events were, I did not regret a single moment. They had molded my individuality.

The ride stopped. It was time to say goodbye to him. I glimpsed at him for a while. That might be the last time that we would bump into each other.

Our group proceeded to Galactica next. When the centrifugal motion was finished, I got a bit dizzy. All of us agreed that we were too exhausted to have another shot of a ride. We decided to enter Snow World for our last activity. As expected, it was cold inside... freezing cold. However, the chill in the room was not enough to compete with the warmth brought to me by the friction of our bodies - that of the guy and mine - in Surf Dance.

After spending about twenty minutes inside the giant freezer, we went out shaking and quivering. We walked for a couple of minutes and headed for home. That was a very wonderful night with very wonderful friends and a very wonderful guy. As the park hid beyond the horizon, I bid farewell to him, my angel in disguise.

Location: Star City, Sotto St., CCP Complex, Roxas Blvd., Pasay City.

Date: December 22, 2007, Saturday, 1900 - 2330 (Part 2)

Craving for that incredible creature, I pretended that everything was doing great for me. Though I enjoyed every minute I had spent with my friends, a part of me was left empty. Suddenly, I became incomplete. However, my loneliness did not deter us from realizing our goal - to try as many rides as we could. Then and there, we looked for our next target.

Our group was mesmerized by Surf Dance. Watching it swayed in the sky gave us tons of goose bumps. We were all half-frightened and half-stimulated by the scream we heard and facial expressions we saw. There was no chance for holding back; so, we patiently waited for our time to arrive. I positioned myself on the leftmost seat in the first row. As the ride climbed higher and began pushing left-and-right, I found myself yelling nonsense things. I supposed that my mind was really floating freely in the clouds because of that guy. I wondered how he had captivated me with his unspoken words.

The ride was over. Not even his shadow was at glance. I was already missing that contagious smile. Where there still be an opportunity to meet him again that night? Like a wish coming true, I saw the guy with his barkada lining up in Surf Dance. With no hesitation at all, I urged my friends to have another Surf Dance experience. We had fun during our first time; but, I would definitely love to take this ride with him. There might be no second chance.

I had not noticed that we were already very close to the gate. My eyes were locked upon him. Every ray of light was going to his direction, making him outshine all that were present in the venue. The gate opened. I rushed through the backseat. Unluckily, it was already occupied. Our group just obtained the third from the last row. Since it was four-seater, Ariane, Ed, and I shared it while Aimee and Jonathan grabbed the seat in front of us. God was so dear to me that evening. There was a single vacant spot on the row right behind us, beside that guy. With all my might, I told Aimee and Jonathan to have my post and the inhabited one so the four of them would be together. Just what I had wished for, the guy and I were side-by-side. He tried to exchange seat with his friends; but, everything was working for me. Maybe his friends wanted to tease him that was why they supported my plan. Then, the trip to heaven began...

We surfed...

We danced...

We bumped and grinded. Our bodies collided...

The guy and I were the main protagonists while others rested into oblivion...

Location: Star City, Sotto St., CCP Complex, Roxas Blvd., Pasay City.

Date: December 22, 2007, Saturday, 1900 - 2330 (Part 1)

It sent shivers down my spines as we walked toward the grand entrance of the crowded amusement park. The queues seemed like it would take us more than a day to purchase our tickets. Fortunately, after a quarter of an hour had elapsed, we were already entering the site. The red-and-white wristbands were proclaiming that we had all night long to choose whatever ride we may love to try. The conversations of people surrounding us would have destroyed my sense of hearing, but I was not bothered, not even a little. My soul was filled with thoughts of anticipation. It was my first time at Star City – full of people, full of rides, full of fun and excitement.

After satisfying our appetite, we started off with the Grand Carousel. Ariane, Pam, and I sat on an oval-shaped sofa-like fixture. On the other hand, Aimee, Jonathan, and Ed went back to their childhood. They chose to ride the wooden horses that moved up-and-down as all of us were circled by the boisterous machine at the center. As we traveled around, I observed that everybody had smile on his face. It felt like no one had a problem on that day. But in reality, I knew then, each person was just like me, escaping from the troublesome and tiresome world outside.

Super Viking was our next stop. Our group hurriedly took the last row. Feeling a little scared, I fought with my friends for the middle spot. As we progressed upward, the soft breathe of air became hard blow. The wind was slapping my face as I shouted at the top of my lungs. It was a total relief when the ride halted.

Since it was just a few meters away from Super Viking, we ended lining up in Blizzard. As we approached near the gate, my attention was caught by this certain guy – a blessing sent by heaven in order for me to have a wonderful evening. I almost forgot my name when I gazed at his angelic face. Until now, I could not decipher what had happened to me that moment. From the uncertainty I was experiencing, I got back into sense when I heard someone cheered for our school on our group's turn. We were recognized since I was wearing a black Itam shirt. Awkward as I was, I nodded and slowly walked through my seat.

After the ride, I still longed to see the guy's impeccable smile. Even if that was not dedicated for me, there was joy inside my heart. I had totally gone insane for no vivid reason at all. We tested ourselves with Flying Carpet and Star Flyer; but, they had not affected my high spirit. All I had was an insatiable desire to meet that guy once more.

i know how excellent your christmas season has been. some people may find your reasons very trivial, but i believe words are not enough to describe how you have been feeling these days. well, you really deserve it! i am sure you will encounter problems; however, none of these will ever compare to the blessings you are soon to receive. just keep on persevering! more surprises are in store for you this new year.

personally, i want to thank you for simply being there whenever i need you. i can never ask for a better friend than you. i also want to express my gratitude to you for entrusting me some of the private issues in your life. it is my privilege to be your secret keeper. you know you can always count on me when the going gets tough.

so, this coming 2008, i hope that our friendship grows even stronger. may we find comfort in each other to make it through all the storms that are yet to come.

maybe that is all for now. bye.

your grateful buddy,

XonXon

p.s. advance happy new year!!! may the lord above shower you with abundant blessings not only this year but through the rest of your life.

you have been telling me stories about some of your friends who are having confusions regarding their feelings for people in their lives. well, let me give them my own set of opinions with respect to this subject. may they find my advice helpful enough in order for them to reach their personal decisions. in the end, it is their responsibility to settle these matters. they are the ones who must make the choice.

situation #1:

x1 adores x2 very much. they have been constantly communicating with each other although they live far from one another. however, everytime x1 tries to talk about intimate relationship, x2 always changes the topic of their conversation. because of this, x1 thinks that x2 only wants them to stay as they are... as friends. at the moment, x1 stops talking to x2. x1 cannot stand the idea that they are just meant to remain as friends.

situation #2:

y1 does not bother talking to y2 about all things in life. y1 is not afraid to say things that might ruin the personality. y1 knows that y2 will accept everything about y1. in time, y1 believes that y2 is already the one. this has been true for so long. but now, y1 is having doubts about the feelings for y2. is y2 really the true love y1 is waiting for? or is y2 the best buddy y1 needs whenever there is trouble?

situation #3:

z1 is puzzled about the real score between z1 and z2. there are times that z1 feels so close to z2. yet, there are also instances when z1 perceives that z2 is too far away. with all the twists and turns on their relationship, everything is still unclear for both of them. neither of z1 or z2 inquires about intimacy. z1 is now asking whether to tell everything to z2 or just let everything be.

what can i say?

i am sure that i will also be uncertain of the path to choose if i am in any of those situations above. however, i am certain that the problem requires solution. therefore, i will start weighing factors. i will seek help from people who have already gone through this experience. most importantly, i will take the risk of having a stand. it may not go in my favor, at least i will have no what-if. i may get hurt along the way, but i will not continue guessing what might have been.

your friends' friend,

XonXon

p.s. since christmas is very near, let me give my warmest greeting to my ever loyal friend. advanced merry christmas to you and the rest of your loved ones! may you find contentment and happiness and life. thank you for everything.

hey there! how has life been doing with you? are you sure that you are totally fine? i guess you are not! you have been neglecting a lot of things these days. i know how important your project is, but it does not mean that you are going to forget some other significant matters in your life. i suggest that you must study how to use your time well. maybe it can start with planning and organizing your daily activities.

anyway, i love the story of you crying over. i am really surprised by what has happened because people seldom see you as an emotional person. however, i believe you really need that after everything that you have been through. tears speak for things that words cannot explain. it does feel good, right? keeping all the hurt inside is a very heavy burden. confiding it to a friend is a healthy practice.

it is really amazing how people have been entrusting you with some of their personal issues in life. it is really difficult to get their confidence so be sure to stay loyal to them. keep the sharing to yourself alone. i have just noticed something peculiar, people turn to you for advice; yet, you, yourself, cannot even work out your own problem. we all have something to say about someone else's life. ironically, most of the time, we are the ones who do not follow our own recommendations. why is it so? i also do not know!

your personal adviser,

XonXon

p.s. good luck for your upcoming defense. trust all your groupmates. you can do it! be optimistic. god will never let you fail. he will be with you on your presentation day.

i know you are very tired at this point in time. you have not been sleeping well these past few days. however, i just want to remind you that naproj2 is not the only subject you have this term. try to think whether you are still giving adequate time for your responsibilities in your other enrolled courses. you must never neglect these things for all of them weigh as much as the others.

on the other hand, i want to congratulate you, together with the rest of the royal blood group, for the good result of your beta presentation. the effort that you have dedicated in this project has already been paid off; but, you must not feel too confident about it.  do not relax yet. a lot of things are still needed to be accomplished.

who says that earthquake only brings tragedy and chaos? i am sure you have understood that there is more than what this destructive force is all about. through this damaging event, some people have realized that, unconsciously as it may seem, they still have faith in our creator. one of your friends has shared you his own manifestation regarding his experience, right? the earthquake has served as his wake up call to bring back all the glory he receives in life to the father above. we must hope that this will be the start of his closer relation to god. let us include him in our prayers.

by the way, are you still hurting? i know it still does. though not as much as before, right? you will be completely okay soon. just be patient. you will. believe me. i have observed that almost everything is falling back to its place as before. never mind what other people might say with respect to this matter. you know yourself better than we do. instead of trying your best to eliminate that thing, why not divert your attention to other important matters? i am certain this is a better method on forgetting something. in the end, i am just a friend, someone whom you can talk to and ask advice from. the final decision is still in your hands.

your attentive listener,

XonXon

p.s. thank god we are both safe after the earthquake. i suggest that you also ask how your loved ones are too. remember, ‘give a little love and it all comes back to you.’

since you have been telling me about so many squares these past few days, i have tried to find some of the word's definitions and think of the possible relations to the things you have been sharing with me. i hope you enjoy the analogies which I have prepared.

 square portrays an open area or plaza in a city or town, formed by the meeting or intersecting of two or more streets and often planted with grass, trees, etc., in the center.

this square is your blog. it serves as the rendezvous for everyone who wants to hear something new from you. the blog is the open area while you and the visitors are the intersecting streets. in time, you will find and get acquainted with a lot of new companions. i just hope that you keep them always inside your square.

 square means to balance, even or settle.

remember your shoti's post on his own blog? i know that you are intelligent enough to understand that part of it reflects something that has happened. he may not intentionally refer to you, yet, i think you owe him something to settle what you have done wrong. it is good that you already have apologized; however, i consider that you need to do something more to square everything.

square describes a just and fair matter.

no matter how hard a person tries to be just and fair, there will come an instance wherein he will commit biases and prejudices. it is human nature. for example, i am sure you have noticed that most of the decisions you have made are more inclined to those people you hold closer to your heart. you also consider their welfare before arriving to a certain conclusion. now ask yourself. are you a square type?

square pertains to a person who is ignorant of or uninterested in current fads, ideas, manners, tastes, etc. he is an old-fashioned, conventional, or conservative person.

i have never known this is a slang definition of the word square. but as it is, i am sure that we will both agree that this term can only correspond to a very particular person. however, our assumptions may be wrong. why? because i think the individual is not a complete ignorant as the person claims to be. i am more convinced that the being is simply pretending the lack of ideas – a pirated square.

square indicates to multiply by itself.

this is the square that pertains to what we share with each other. we are one. we are different. i just hope that you will always be there for me. just the same, i promise to stay on your side all the time. i will continue reminding you about the choices you have been making that will affect your life and those of the people around you, more importantly those of your loved ones and those who love you too. so let our friendship continue to square!!!

square is to be straightforward, direct, or unequivocal. 

i wish i can be like this whenever i write my letter to you. but everything has limitations. there are things which are better left unsaid. it is like love, you must reserve something for yourself. but i promise, i will try to be more discrete everytime i compose my epistle. for my good. for your good. for everybody's good. a square-like I guess.

your square insider, 

XonXon

p.s. i know this is not all the squares we have talked about. i just think that it is inappropriate to post the real square at this point in time. maybe next time.

people ask why fall in love when being hurt is a certainty? my answer? it makes me feel alive! because whether I feel the greatest hurt or the greatest love... there is sheer bliss or flood of tears... i am on top of the world or at the bottom of the done chain... it has made my heart beat fervently. i tell you, i will rather fall in love over and over again than to blend in with millions of heartless zombies who have resolved to play safe.

--- inday's advice to ederlyn who does not want to fall in love ---

i hope you still remember our friend inday. she has been so popular in text messages nowadays. phenomenal as she may be, i think she is so right with her advice to ederlyn. likewise, i share with you this quote to lighten up your burden. you fall in love, you get hurt, it is all because you are alive. if you are mad, then get mad. do not keep it all inside because it might swallow you whole.

it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. but what is more painful is to love someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel.

this is very true my friend. love is an active entity. it is always in motion and not simply implied. the person may not reciprocate the feeling but at least you have given the best of you to show your true emotions. never assume of what the person knows. speak up and be heard. things may go wrong and result in ways you never expect them to be, the most important thing is you love. right?

now here it comes, the hardest part of all
unchain my heart that's holding on
how do I start to live my life alone?
guess I'm just learning,
learning the art of letting go.

--- the art of letting go by mikaila ---

finally, i just want to say good luck to you. i know it is not an easy task to simply forget everything that has happened. but in time, i am sure that you will realize that the hurt is worth the experience. let it be a lesson learned to become a better and stronger person. you are going to make it for sure. definitely! like what you always say, 'it is in the name!'

your love adviser,

XonXon

p.s. 'i will rather have you in my daydream than have you in my real world where i know i cannot have you and you cannot love me in return. at least, there is one place in my life where i can keep you and you are mine.'